JaSar Creative

Sauerkraut Saturday!

2012-02-07T15:41:00.000-08:00

Last Saturday, Jason and I went to a sauerkraut making class at Curious Farm and it was awesome! We met some really nice people -- there was 6 of us total.

It's so interesting that we can ferment almost any fruit or vegetable using only salt, time and an airlock crock! Here's some pictures from the morning.

These are all the veggies to choose from:

Once we picked our ingredients and spices, we chopped, shredded, diced, peeled and mixed it all together.

Then we spent awhile massaging it all together to create the brine it will sit and ferment in for 2 months!

I thought it was so interesting that we were all making sauerkraut but everyone's looked so different! The color palettes were gorgeous!

Then we packed our 'kraut into our airlock crocks. We used those big rolling pin type stumps to push all the veggies below the brine. We put "sacrificial cabbage" on the very top so any oxygen left in the container will muck up the cabbage leaves and not the 'kraut.

Here's all of our babies lined up looking beautiful. Like snowflakes -- the same but different.

Initially, we put our little baby 'kraut in the pantry so it would be out of the way, but every time we opened the door it smelled like someone farted right in your face! So now it's living in the extra (unplugged) refrigerator in the garage.

We really had a great time and cannot wait to try our sauerkraut - only 2 months to go!

New Leonard Cohen - Old Ideas

2012-02-02T09:37:00.001-08:00

"Old Ideas" is Leonard Cohen's newest album. He's 77 and just released it two days ago!

We got "Old Ideas" in the mail yesterday and the first song on the album is called "Going Home." We listened and knew immediately that this is gonna be one hell of an album! Gets ya in the gut from the first song.

I swear this man is of another world -- thank you, Leonard, for another soul-stirring album!

And the lyrics, oh the lyrics...they...are...just...perfect.

"I love to speak with Leonard
He's a sportsman and a shepherd
He's a lazy bastard
Living in a suit"

I love to speak with Leonard
He's a sportsman and a shepherd
He's a lazy bastard
Living in a suit

But he does say what I tell him
Even though it isn't welcome
He just doesn't have the freedom
To refuse

He will speak these words of wisdom
Like a sage, a man of vision
Though he knows he's really nothing
But some brief elaboration of a tube

Going home
Without my sorrow
Going home
Sometime tomorrow
To where it's better
Than before

Going home
Without my burden
Going home
Behind the curtain
Going home
Without the costume
That I wore

He wants to write a love song
An anthem of forgiving
A manual for living with defeat

A cry above the suffering
A sacrifice recovering
But that isn't what I need him to complete

I want him to be certain
That he doesn't have a burden
That he doesn't need a vision
That he only has permission
To do my instant bidding
Which is to say what I have told him
To repeat

Going home
Without my sorrow
Going home
Sometime tomorrow
Going home
To where it's better
Than before

Going home
Without my burden
Going home
Behind the curtain
Going home
Without this costume
That I wore

I love to speak with Leonard
He's a sportsman and a shepherd
He's a lazy bastard
Living in a suit

Our Cat Plays Fetch!

2012-01-31T17:33:00.000-08:00

It's the craziest thing! Jason says he's never seen a cat play fetch like this.

Derville is better at this than any dog I've seen. He is relentless. Never-ending.Unstoppable. Insatiable.

Here's how it goes when Derville plays fetch --

Drops it right at your feet and then face bump! (He's saying, "Throw my feather or I will eat you!!")

He loves that feather thing so much! It was on a thin cord attached to a stick. He was dragging the feather and stick around everywhere. Then, he decided to free his beloved feather from the stick -- by eating through the cord! Did he stop there? No! In effort to secure his feather's freedom, he slurped down the entire two foot cord like spaghetti! I took the stick away before he ate that too! Now, we just have a little nub of over-loved feather with a tiny bell that we can throw over and over and over and over.

Whoops, gotta go. He's back and just jumped up and bit me on the shoulder! (He's saying, "Enough computer, Lady! Throw my feather or I will eat you!!")

He's always threatening to eat someone! And I believe he would!

Gotye - Somebody that I used to know

2012-01-30T19:27:00.000-08:00

This video is badass. Gotta let it get goin then the art is deeeeealicious!

Momentary Lapse of Reason

2012-01-27T09:19:00.000-08:00

Last night...

------------

I'm walking into a movie theater. Mom in front, then me, and Dad behind. The seats are filling up fast and there are a lot of people in our group. (I should've known I was dreaming when I found myself at the movies with my mom and dad. I think Romancing the Stone was the last movie I saw with them in a theater. I was 6. I remember thinking it should've been rated X.)

Mom moves quickly down the aisle and then breaks left towards several vacant seats. Dad took a hard left upon entering the theater and was holding a group of seats toward the back. I was in the middle looking ahead and behind, deciding which way to go when the usher raised his arms in the air and yelled "Switch!" Everyone rose up at the same time, moved to a seat on the opposite side of the room from them, and sat back down. I froze. Didn't understand what was going on. Coming out of my stupor, I see my entire group seated together with no extra seats. I look around the giant room. Not one seat is open. I look at my group. They shrug shoulders indifferently and turn to face the screen.

Alone, I walk outside. It is snowing. There is a girl that I've seen before but don't know. She's been put out too. She's lays back - all covered with snow except her long red hair framing her face and giant emerald green eyes. She turns her head to look at me and then slowly closes her eyes. Nothing showing but a red flame frame around a porcelain doll face. Snow flakes on eyelashes.

--------------

I'm with a group of ladies. I don't know who they are but we are going shopping together. First we are going to eat at McDonald's. No one wants to ride with me in my piece of shit car. It's not the one I have now, but truly a beater-piece-of-shit car. One nice, older lady rides with me and the other nine women cram into a Lexus SUV. When we are leaving McDonald's, I ask who wants to ride with me and they all look away. I hear "I don't want to ride in that car." I tell them I have a different car -- a Lexus -- and somehow I do have a different car but still no one wants to ride with me. I watch as all ten women climb in the SUV together -- like sardines in fur coats. "We'll meet you there!" they say. No one looks at me as they drive off.

--------------

I'm sledding down a hill with another person. We are on our way somewhere but I'm not sure where. The other person keeps saying that they'd rather walk (even though it was very far to our destination). I keep sledding down the hill trying to find our way. I see the top of a hill, we fly over it, immediately drop off into a ravine with a huge river. I can't stop myself from falling and rolling into the water. Snakes and other debris are coming at me fast. The river bank is tall and steep. I reach for the other person's hand but they won't give it to me. I claw at the mud wall and pull myself up with the roots and vines sticking out. Now I'm walking behind a horse carrying the other person. We are going up an outside staircase -- like steps up the side of a mountain. I'm looking down at the horse's back feet as we move up the mountain. I think to myself, "If I look up right now, that horse's ass will be directly in my face."

--------------

Then I woke up.

These Five Words I Swear To You

2012-01-25T13:45:00.000-08:00

This song brings back so many memories. Oh how I love the heavy metal hair bands of the 80s and 90s. Nothing like a raging guitar solo to get a pre-teenage girl's motor running!

I think these guys' lyrics are almost as awesome as their hair!

I'll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you breathe I want to be the air for you
I'll be there for you
I'd live and I'd die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what a love can do
I'll be there for you

I guess this time you're really leaving
I heard your suitcase say goodbye
Well as my broken heart lies bleeding
you say true love is suicide

You say you've cried a thousand rivers
And now you're swimming for the shore
You left me drowning in my tears
And you won't save me anymore

Now I'm praying to God you'll give me one more chance, girl

I'll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you breathe I want to be the air for you
I'll be there for you
I'd live and I'd die for you
I'd steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what love can do
I'll be there for you

I know you know we've had some good times
Now they have their own hiding place
Well I can promise you tomorrow
But I can't buy back yesterday

And Baby you know my hands are dirty
But I wanted to be your valentine
I'll be the water when you get thirsty, baby
When you get drunk, I'll be the wine

I'll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you breathe I want to be the air for you
I'll be there for you
I'd live and I'd die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what a love can do
I'll be there for you

And I wasn't there when you were happy
I wasn't there when you were down
I didn't mean to miss your birthday, baby
I wish I'd seen you blow those candles out

I'll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you breathe I want to be the air for you
I'll be there for you
I'd live and I'd die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what a love can do
I'll be there for you

Portrait of a Ghost Drummer

2012-01-23T10:22:00.000-08:00

Very cool. The last few seconds are my favorite -- you can really see the exertion coming to an end.

Portrait of the ghost drummer from odaibe on Vimeo.

In hopes of gaining some insight into the graphic and choreographic qualities of these movements, Poland-based graphic designer and artist Bartek Szlachcic pointed a motion-capturing camera towards himself while he played a drum solo. He then converted the trajectory of his arm movements into simple black lines set across a three-dimensional field, animating the arcs of each individual drum hit in real-time. (from http://www.thecreatorsproject.com/blog/drummers-gestures-beautifully-illustrated-in-portrait-of-the-ghost-drummer)

Grams

2012-01-20T10:12:00.000-08:00

I was so fortunate today to speak to one of my most beloved family members -- my Grams. My mom's mom. She's about 20 in this photo. Now she's 94 and has been a bit under the weather recently. My grams and I have always had a special relationship. I'm the youngest grandchild. We've always had long discussions about love, life, death, politics, crafts, art, anything and everything. We talked for hours on the phone. She's been such a huge influence on my life and who I am today. I love her so much and hope she's back to her old feisty self soon.

Our conversation today was short, about 25 minutes, and filled with sentiments of love, reflection, and encouragement. The words that shined the most light on me was her reflection on life:

"It's absolutely worth it -- life is absolutely worth living. It's an incredible thing. You have your ups and downs but it's all worth it."

I feel like this is the most encouraging piece of wisdom I've ever heard. (I think the source has something to do with it.)

Also, I think I just realized where my dimples come from. Isn't she beautiful!

For the prima ballerina who cannot dance to anything

2012-01-19T11:04:00.000-08:00

I love the song "Heart With No Companion" by Leonard Cohen. I was listening to it this morning while doing my yoga practice and light meditation. It got me to thinking about paths and directions. Where am I going? What are my goals? How can I take all my talents and actualize them into something I love doing? I feel like he wrote this line just for me: "For the prima ballerina who cannot dance to anything."

It's so profound to me, especially in this season of my life. I feel like I'm destined for something -- like there is something out there that has been a part of me forever but hasn't worked itself out yet. Time will tell.

Now I greet you from the other side
Of sorrow and despair
With a love so vast and shattered
It will reach you everywhere

And I sing this for the captain
Whose ship has not been built
For the mother in confusion
Her cradle still unfilled

For the heart with no companion
For the soul without a king
For the prima ballerina
Who cannot dance to anything

Through the days of shame that are coming
Through the nights of wild distress
Tho' your promise count for nothing
You must keep it nonetheless

You must keep it for the captain
Whose ship has not been built
For the mother in confusion
Her cradle still unfilled

For the heart with no companion
For the soul without a king
For the prima ballerina
Who cannot dance to anything

And I greet you from the other side
Of sorrow and despair
With a love so vast and shattered
It will reach you everywhere

Perseverance

2012-01-17T09:57:00.000-08:00

It's been alternating snow and rain here for the last few days. It really amazes me how durable and adaptive plants can be. As you can see, the garden box has been nicely covered with snow.

In September, I started growing cauliflower, broccoli, and onion plants from seeds, started in Jiffy pots in the house. I moved them outside in October and they've been hanging out in the "elements" ever since. They don't look great and definitely won't produce any veggies but they are still alive! They are hanging on -- continuing to persevere despite the harsh external conditions.

These two cauliflower plants (below) make me think of Jason and I. Two stragglers, hanging on despite hard times. Huddled up together in the not-so-great external conditions of the world but still growing and living and loving.

Dutifully carrying the metaphorical chunks of ice on our backs and hoping for warmer days and lighter loads to carry. But still growing, living, loving and persevering.

I read this quote on the Little Homestead in the City blog and it really stuck with me. Especially as I watch the conditions around me change and change again. I must remember to stay focused and push through -- no one else can do it for me.

"One of the biggest challenges in this or any age is to stick with the necessary changes we need to make and hold fast to the end. As important as beginnings are, the real test is in reaching the finish line, which requires perseverance for the long haul. Because we tend to turn things over to others—experts—we lose the opportunity to develop true self-sufficiency. Through growing our food, along with other homesteading practices, we gain invaluable experience and the true rewards of doing-it-yourself. Going forward, we have to be willing to get past the idea stage and individually sweat the details, adjusting to unforeseen difficulties, and, above all, never quitting." - Jules Dervaes

Sunrise and moonset

2012-01-11T10:10:00.000-08:00

I love the directional plane that our house is on because you can see the sunrise through the front window...

If there isn't a silly kitty blocking your view...

And conversely, you can see the sunset through the back windows...

I was also able to catch this sweet moonset behind our house in the wee hours of the morning.

I love seeing the sunrise every morning but I really wish it would come a couple hours earlier. Darkness until 7am is starting to wear on me. Getting up when it's pitch black and then finishing up the work day in total darkness at 5pm really messes with my sense of time. I'll just be working away and then go to the front of the house and realize there isn't one light on and the house is totally dark.

I can't wait for first light by 6am and last light at 9:30pm -- because that means it's summer and the garden is growing -- my favorite time of the year!

Note to self:
It's been two months without the Pooh and you're doing good. You're embracing the love that Derville gives (even though it's laced with razor claws and sharp little teeth). You still miss Clancy but you're not checking for him in the back yard or expecting him at the door when you come home any more. But you still miss the good doggie snuggin and lovin. It's like nothing else in the world. Sure, you want another dog to fill that hole. But you also know it's like any other long term relationship that ends -- you have relearn what your life is without that relationship and accept that you can live without it and be okay before replacing it. You'll have another doggie, but for now you're a cat lady and Derville needs you, so love him good. Clancy would want you too.

Elderberry Saved My Life

2012-01-09T10:35:00.000-08:00

Okay, that may be a bit dramatic but Elderberry Extract has helped significantly to clear up my cold/sinus infection/chest congestion symptoms. Before the Elderberry, I was having to sleep practically sitting up because I had so much congestion. I literally woke up gurgling a few times and thought I was going to choke on my snot and drown in my sleep. Since I started taking the Elderberry, I'm back to my normal stomach-sleeping and free-breathing nights. It is amazing!

I've heard Elderberry referenced in a million places as the best holistic cure for colds, coughs, sinus, etc. Here's a little more info about it from http://www.herbwisdom.com/herb-elderberry.html.

Elderberries have been a folk remedy for centuries in North America, Europe, Western Asia, and North Africa, hence the medicinal benefits of elderberries are being investigated and rediscovered. Elderberry is used for its antioxidant activity, to lower cholesterol, to improve vision, to boost the immune system, to improve heart health and for coughs, colds, flu, bacterial and viral infections and tonsilitis. Bioflavonoids and other proteins in the juice destroy the ability of cold and flu viruses to infect a cell. People with the flu who took elderberry juice reported less severe symptoms and felt better much faster than those who did not. Elderberry juice was used to treat a flu epidemic in Panama in 1995.

I cannot recommend Elderberry strongly enough! I like it because it doesn't taste bad (I add it to my tea or juice and don't even notice it) and because it doesn't make me have weird "medicine head." I'm really sensitive to medication so any type of cold medicine makes me pretty wacky. And any medication with a "D" attached to the end of it is the worst. D = dumb dumb in my world because that's what I turn into if I take it.

Side note: When I was researching Elderberry, I found The Elderberry School of Botanical Medicine which has an Herbalist Training Program. And it's in Portland! I'm going to add this to my "when I grow up, I wanna be..." list.

Colds

2012-01-06T09:56:00.000-08:00

We've got two kinds of cold today:

The cold outside...

And the cold in my head and chest.

Both are thick, heavy and hazy and make for a "slipperier than snot" Friday.

Excuse me, my phlegm is calling...

Hoping for a little more light this year

2012-01-03T11:09:00.000-08:00

We started off the year with the first sunrise in weeks on New Year's Day.

We woke up to this beautiful rainbow sherbet sunrise today.

Hopefully, these cracks of sunshine are a sign that this year will let in a little more light than last.

And I'm sure we could all use a little more light in our lives.

Sky Neapolitan

2011-12-30T10:29:00.000-08:00

The sky today kind of looks like Neapolitan ice cream.

Timberline Lodge on Mt. Hood

2011-12-28T10:25:00.000-08:00

The day after Christmas Jason and I went with my parents up to Mt. Hood for the first time.

Timberline Lodge on Mt. Hood is an historical landmark so we had to check it out. It was absolutely breath-taking (in every sense of the term).

Here's a view from one of the lower lifts.

When they say Timberline, they aren't kidding. We were so close to the summit of Mt. Hood that the actual tree line (timberline) stopped.

You can't really tell from this picture, but there are ski lifts (and people skiing) all the way to the top.

Insane!

Happy Hangover!

2011-12-26T08:01:00.000-08:00

OMG!! This was definitely a Christmas to remember! We took the town by storm last night and had a great time.

(Our special hangover remedy - juice, yogurt, black tea, coconut water)

Heading up Mt. Hood today to check out Ski Bowl. Will report back.

(Has anyone seen my barf bag and Drammamine?)

Merry Christmas -- from our neighborhood to yours

2011-12-25T11:33:00.000-08:00

Jason and I spent a lovely Christmas Eve with our neighbors Larry, Marylou and Ruth Ann. We had a great time eating, talking, laughing, playing Taboo and Chinese Checkers (Jason was the big winner in both games).

Ruth Ann, Jason (and his hair), Larry, Marylou, Sarah

We are so thankful to have such great neighbors!

Now, we're headed downtown to meet my parents and eat and drink our way through Portland -- starting at Henry's.

Happy Holidays! Hope you're having a great one!

Christmas is in the air

2011-12-22T11:59:00.000-08:00

This video is a holiday classic around our house. We used the audio from this in our 2006 Sick and Twisted Christmas internet radio show.

Be sure to turn the volume up and enjoy!

Everything about this video makes me laugh!

(I feel sorry for the sound guy...he's in a pretty shitty position!)

Kinda, sorta, maybe agree with Ira Glass

2011-12-21T13:08:00.000-08:00

This clip from Ira Glass speaking on the creative process has some interesting ideas.

I agree with some of them but not all of it.

I don't agree that creating great volumes of work is necessarily the solution to creating a great piece of work. Sometimes that just results in a lot shit for the trash bin.

I do agree with the idea of an artist having a certain taste, but then not being able to create something that meets that "taste standard." There are so many projects that start out in my head one way but then the actualized version of it is nothing like I pictured -- not up to the standard I had imagined.

I guess this is where I run into the issue of "Is this something I want to create a thousand times until it's perfect?" or "Well, that was an interesting idea but not quite what I had in mind. On to the next idea."

Usually, I go with "on to the next idea."

Repetition can be super boring and artistically draining and that's not part of my creative process.

Train Lines

2011-12-15T11:52:00.000-08:00

Recently, I've been taking the train to Nia classes on Wednesdays. While it's nice to have the public transportation option, it's never really that pleasant of an experience. It's definitely more of a means to an end than a pleasure trip.

But the lines. And the sky. They make up for all the discomfort. I love taking pictures at the train station.

The beauty of the overhead lines, the new moon, the color of the sky as they all dissapear over the horizon along with the tracks.

The honest image of progress and industry collaborating with nature.

And it's all for the taking. You just have to open your eyes.

One Frigid Bitch!

2011-12-12T11:25:00.000-08:00

Last night we had no heat do to a failed heater. It was 27 degrees outside and got down to the fifties inside.

We noticed it during the afternoon, but lucky for us we had chili making and cookie baking on the activities list for the early evening. With all the baking, cooking and holiday action the house maintained a tolerable warmth.

Are those not the most festive little holiday cookies you've ever seen? ;-) Sugariffic!!!!

Once the guests departed and the beer was tapped we retreated to the back bedroom for a cold winters nap. Snug in our blankets and warmth to be all that mattered with smelly remnants of beers and cookie batter. Suddenly we awoke to a startlin crashin clatter at half past one. We sprang from the cozy bed into the frigid air we went racing and stunned. To the kitchen without haste we did run, to find that the ugly light fixture had fallen, broken and shattered on the floor looking like plastic cookie crumbs.

Bottom line, it was one cold frigid bitch last night and this moanin! Not to mention waking up to what sounded like an invasion on the other side of the house. It was like rolling into an icy pond, asleep! What a brisk awakening indeed. My heart has just now resumed normal beats per minute.

As I post this, we have managed to get the temperature back up to 67 and the heater should be back to work by this evening. Then we shall hunt the great christmas pickle of 2011!

One month

2011-12-10T17:13:00.000-08:00

He was a friend of mine...

Been pickin and singin this song a lot lately...

Where's Derville?

2011-12-10T11:48:00.000-08:00

Where is Derville!?!? I can't find him anywhere! Just a rolled up rug with a tail...

There he is!!!

What a silly kitty! He loves to hide under the rugs or roll himself up like a burrito and then jump out...

Hiiiiyahhhhh!

He jumped out as I was taking his picture! Scared the crap outta me!

Forever in Blue Jeans, Babe!

2011-12-08T18:05:00.000-08:00

Heard this song today while waiting in line. Was feeling kinda shabby in my winter layers of jeans, hoodie, long-sleeves, short-sleeves, tank top, wool knee socks, etc. This song just reminds me how much I don't give a shit about trendy fashion and things like ugly-ass billion-dollar sweaters from places like Anthro. (You'll definitely never catch me wearing a cardigan belted around my boobs.)

I've come to the conclusion that I'm more of an "urban outfitter." Black, black and black for dressy. Jeans and Henleys for casual. Easy. Simple. Comfy.

Also, I like my man to dress like a man, not like a Dandy (no sweater vests, please!) so jeans and flannel are perfect for him too. My sexy lumberjack! (And his hair is pretty dang close to Neil's these days! Rrrrrr)

Forever in Blue Jeans, Babe!

(Note to self: buy a Neil Diamond album -- this guy can rock a cheesy love song like no other!)

Money Talks
But it don't sing and dance
And it don't walk
As long as I can have you here with me
I'd much rather be
Forever in Blue Jeans

Honey is sweet
But it ain't nothing next to baby's treat
And if you'll pardon me
I'd like to say
We'd do okay
Forever in Blue Jeans

Maybe tonight
Maybe tonight by the fire
All alone you and I
Nothing around but the sound
Of my heart and your sighs

Money Talks
But it can't sing and dance
And it can't walk
As long as I can have you here with me
I'd much rather be
Forever in Blue Jeans, Babe

Honey is sweet
But it ain't nothing next to baby's treat
And if you'll pardon me
I'd like to say
We'd do okay
Forever in Blue Jeans

Maybe tonight
Maybe tonight by the fire
All alone you and I
Nothing around but the sound
Of my heart and your sighs

Money Talks
But it don't sing and dance
And it don't walk
As long as I can have you here with me
I'd much rather be
Forever in Blue Jeans

And if you'll pardon me
I'd like to say
We'd do okay
Forever in Blue Jeans, Babe

As long as I can have you here with me
I'd much rather be
Forever in Blue Jeans, Babe

As long as I can have you here with me

Mail Call!!

2011-12-06T17:10:00.000-08:00

These showed up in the post today.

It's an interesting mix of a fake band album/soundtrack and an autobiography by one of America's seminal folk singer/songwriters and poet - Woodie Guthrie.

Can't wait to dig in!

Coming Back to Life

2011-12-03T13:20:00.000-08:00

I took a heavenly ride through our silence, I knew the moment had arrived, for killing the past and coming back to life

"Coming Back To Life" by Pink Floyd

Where were you when I was burned and broken
While the days slipped by from my window watching
And where were you when I was hurt and I was helpless
Because the things you say and the things you do surround me
While you were hanging yourself on someone else's words
Dying to believe in what you heard
I was staring straight into the shining sun

Lost in thought and lost in time
While the seeds of life and the seeds of change were planted
Outside the rain fell dark and slow
While I pondered on this dangerous but irresistible pastime

I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life

I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the waiting had begun
And I headed straight..into the shining sun.

Pacifiers and Baby Steps

2011-11-30T11:35:00.000-08:00

Meet Floyd, my giant stuffed puppy. He's a great pacifier -- big fat snout, dark puppy-dog eyes, soft furry butt, and he's big enough to give hugs!

Call me crazy -- I don't care. I've always loved my stuffed animals like they were real and Jason's the same way. So every now and then, when we feel bad, we take turns hugging the puppy and it actually helps (in a pacifier-type way).

This morning the sun peaked out again. Now that the weather has officially turned to crap, I have to take every opportunity to grab some sun. I've been avoiding the dreaded first solo walk without the Pooh. Jason and I have made the rounds a few times without him, but I didn't have to think about what to do with my leash-holding hand -- I just held Jason's hand.

So I'm looking out the window, thinking to myself - baby steps. You can do it. One time around the block. You must get out of the house. I gear up (it's only about 40 degrees outside), grab my MP3 player, turn it to Talking Heads, ask the cat if he's up for a walk (nope, he's not), and head out on my own - solo.

It wasn't too bad. I went around the block 3 times (about a mile). There were tons of other people walking their dogs. I was okay. I even told one passer-by with a small terrier mutt in a sweater "Cute doggie!" And I meant it -- he was precious.

Noticeable differences:
1. no pace-setter (that dog hauled ass!) so my walking was slower.
2. figuring out what to do with my leash-holding hand? Thank gawd for hoodies with kangaroo pouch pockets.

I can definitely say that this whole experience has really motivated us to act on our dream of buying "the farm." We want lots of space to raise goats, chickens, ducks, worms. We want to rescue strays, revive frozen kittens, heal injured squirrels, raise abandoned baby possums, and everything in between. In the spirit of Jason's mother, we want to help every animal that needs a home or a hand. We've been really interested in animal husbandry for a few years and can't wait to have our own menagerie.

Next step - find the place to make this all happen.

Pacifiers and baby steps. It's all about tying to feel good and moving forward now.

I miss my doggie

2011-11-28T13:13:00.000-08:00

Well, I made it through the first major holiday without Clancy.

Just one short month from now and it will be my first Christmas without Clancy in over a decade. So many years we were too far from home to go back and be around family for the holidays. But no matter where I was, I always had my little white fluffy angel doggie to make it all okay. We'd build a makeshift tree out of holiday liquor boxes decorated with purple Crown Royal pouches as ornaments and open the couple of presents my parents sent. Always being strangers in a strange land, we'd wait out the day together in solitude. Booze for dinner and then early to bed. His soft white fur catching my tears as I cried myself to sleep from being so lonesome.

(Sarah and Clancy circa 2001)

Clancy wasn't just a pet, he was part of my identity. For so many years I was the girl with the sweet white dog. People always commented on my little white doggie when we went for walks. As I'm typing this, the sun just came out for the first time in days. First instinct is to grab the leash and holler "Wanna go for a WALK?" Second instinct is to cry. How goddam sad is a girl on a walk without her white doggie? Pretty fucking sad, I can guarantee that. It feels like I've lost an appendage -- an extension of myself. I feel like there is less of me now. I definitely have phantom pains, except they show up in the form of mistaken glimpses of the dog -- like thinking I see him outside in the yard or at the back door waiting to come in. I don't even have to watch out for poop in the backyard anymore, but I still check my shoes when I come inside. And that makes me so sad.

I just wish he was still here.

While he was sick and starting to fade, we spent so much time in silence listening to each other breathe. Such a beautiful sound I wrote about it:

10/19/11 11:33am

Laying in bed
Listening to the sound
of the Pooh's snooze
Light breath in
Hmmmppphhhh out from the belly
Enjoying the moment
with my best friend
and unconditional confidante
I love to hear you breathe

Once we found out it was cancer and there was nothing we could do for him, we went into hospice mode. The entire situation was all too reminiscent of my last hospice experience. Not wanting to leave his side for one minute, realizing there was nothing I could do to fix anything, knowing it was only a matter of time before we would no longer be together. The biggest difference with this hospice experience and the other one is that it became MY responsibility to make the decision to separate -- to send my best friend on his new journey because he was too loyal to leave on his own.

This was the hardest decision on earth. I put it off. I hoped he would pass in his sleep. But he's a good doggie and would NEVER leave my side no matter how painful his life had become. I didn't think I could do it. Not while he still recognized me.

During his last month, I spent hours with him sending out this loving-kindness meditation to him.

May he live his last days with ease and comfort, as much as possible
May he pass from this world with dignity and peace, as much as possible
May he transcend this mortal burden of illness and shine eternally as a white light of energy

I probably repeated this meditation a thousand times. I can only hope it helped him through such a painful journey. I know it helped me calm down and appreciate each moment I had left with him.

Then one day, death visited. Not in the phantom form that I hoped would quietly climb into his slumber and release him, but in the form of a scent. A scent that I had smelled before. A scent that, once smelled, can never be un-smelled. It's the sweet, sour, metallic smell of sickness. Unlike anything else. Unforgettable and unmistakable. The smell of Death.

I knew at this moment that I was no longer being a good pet parent. I was being selfish. I wanted Clancy to do the hard part -- to say it's time to go. But he wouldn't because he doesn't give the commands in this relationship, he takes them. That's how it has always been - why would it be different now?

I decided I wasn't going to fail my furry friend after all these years just because it would be too hard for ME. I contacted an at-home vet service and scheduled a time for them to come to our house. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

The time came. Jason and I were together with Clancy in our home. He was in his own bed with all of his stuffed animals around him. I realized I was glad that he could still recognize me because I stared straight into those brown/black eyes the whole time. He knew I was with him -- that I would never leave him. I know he knew because I could see it in his eyes.

It was very peaceful. The vet cried with us as we moved through the moments. I can say with confidence that he was comfortable and passed with dignity.

The vet took him away with her, for which I was thankful. I'd been having nightmares of going to the vet with my dog and leaving without him.

We had him cremated and brought him home in a tin box a few days later. Now he's up on a very high shelf surrounded by his stuffed animal pals looking down over me everyday.

I miss my doggie.

And that's the saddest story I've ever written.

(PS - Please don't think I've forgotten about all the love I still have in my life. I'm so very thankful to have Jason, my parents and Derville to help me through this massive change in my life. But nothing can replace my love for the Pooh - there is no comparable love in this world and that's why it hurts so bad.)

Bad as Me

2011-11-26T12:22:00.000-08:00

We have always loved Tom Waits and his new album "Bad as Me" continues to reinforce the feelings!

So many good songs on this album. The New Yorker had a nice article that you can read here.

Here's a small excerpt from the article:

Waits’s new album, “Bad as Me,” his twenty-second, has plenty of stone gargling. It was made with a vast constellation of new and old friends, the most prominent of whom is an often overlooked collaborator, his wife, Kathleen Brennan, who has been writing songs with Waits since his album “Swordfishtrombones,” from 1983 (for which she was uncredited). “She responds to things like she’s in an opium dream. I’m more of a sticks-and-wire guy,” he said. (Much of what he says in conversation could, with little intervention, become lyrics.) “Bad as Me” also features the guitarist Marc Ribot, whom Waits called “the Lon Chaney of the guitar—there are so many voices he’s able to conjure,” and high-profile guests such as Flea and Keith Richards. Central to the album are Clint Maedgen and Ben Jaffe, reed and brass players from New Orleans’s Preservation Hall Jazz Band, who appear on many of the tracks.

The title track "Bad as Me" makes me want to growl!

Tom Waits • Bad As Me Vidéo funnytoo sélectionnée dans Musique

"Bad as Me" by Tom Waits

You’re the head on the spear
You’re the nail on the cross
You’re the fly in my beer
You’re the key that got lost
You’re the letter from Jesus on the bathroom wall
You’re mother superior in only a bra
You’re the same kind of bad as me

I’m the hat on the bed
I’m the coffee instead
The fish or cut bait
I’m the detective up late
I’m the blood on the floor
The thunder and the roar
The boat that won’t sink
I just won’t sleep a wink
You’re the same kind of bad as me

No good you say
Well that’s good enough for me

You’re the wreath that caught fire
You’re the preach to the choir
You bite down on the sheet
But your teeth have been wired
You skid in the rain
You’re trying to shift
You’re grinding the gears
You’re trying to shift
And you’re the same kind of bad as me

They told me you were no good
I know you’ll take care of all my needs
You’re the same kind of bad as me

I’m the mattress in the back
I’m the old gunnysack
I’m the one with the gun
Most likely to run
I’m the car in the weeds
If you cut me I’ll bleed
You’re the same kind of bad as me
You’re the same kind of bad as me

Brinicle, anyone?

2011-11-25T10:00:00.000-08:00

This is absolutely amazing and is the FIRST-EVER footage of a brinicle forming. My inner marine biologist is all a-flutter.

Where “Brinicle” met the sea bed, a web of ice formed that froze everything it touched, including sea urchins and starfish. In winter, the air temperature above the sea ice can be below -20C, whereas the sea water is only about -1.9C. Heat flows from the warmer sea up to the very cold air, forming new ice from the bottom. The salt in this newly formed ice is concentrated and pushed into the brine channels. And because it is very cold and salty, it is denser than the water beneath.

“That particular patch was difficult to get to. It was a long way from the hole and it was quite narrow at times between the sea bed and the ice,” explained Mr Miller.

“I do remember it being a struggle… All the kit is very heavy because it has to sit on the sea bed and not move for long periods of time.”

As well as the practicalities of setting up the equipment, the filmmakers had to contend with interference from the local wildlife.

The large weddell seals in the area had no problems barging past and breaking off brinicles as well as the filming equipment.

“The first time I did a timelapse at the spot a seal knocked it over,” said Mr Miller.

But the team’s efforts were eventually rewarded with the first ever footage of a brinicle forming.

Filmed by cameramen Hugh Miller and Doug Anderson for the BBC

(via http://cubeme.com/)

Life Ain't Easy

2011-11-21T09:49:00.000-08:00

I woke up singing this song this morning. My favorite line is "And how much soul must a poor man sell to rub two coins together?"

"Life Ain't Easy" performed by Dr. Hook and written by Ray Sawyer and Shel Silverstein (one of my all time favorite authors and I had no idea he has written so many songs).

Well here I am in the wind again,
floating where it takes me
Laughin' and a splashin' in the summer sun,
until the alarm clock awakes me
Then it's coffee and a kiss and two cigarettes,
and I'm back out in the cold, cold weather
Chasin' my dream but I just can't seem to rub two coins together
(Sing it)

Life ain't easy, they never said it would be
Life ain't easy, whoever said it should be
Life ain't easy, and nothing comes free, free, free, free
Life ain't easy, tell me all about it
Life ain't easy, no, no, no, no
Life ain't easy, and nothing comes free, for you or me

That woman she don't understand,
the way my mind keeps driftin'
And the Lord don't always lend a hand,
when my poor heart needs liftin'
Is home and kids really all there is,
or is there something better?
And how much soul must a poor man sell to rub two coins together?

Don't you know that
Life ain't easy, no, no, no, no
Life ain't easy, whoever said it would be
Life ain't easy, and nothing comes free, free, free, free
Life ain't easy, can you hear me
Life ain't easy, tell me all about it
Life ain't easy, and nothing comes free, free, free, free
Life ain't easy, tell me all about it
Life ain't easy, no, no, no, no
Life ain't easy, and nothing comes free, for you or me
Life ain't easy
Life ain't easy...

History of the Sky: A Year at the Exploratorium

2011-11-19T13:45:00.000-08:00

A camera on the roof of the Exploratorium in San Fransisco captured an image of the sky every ten seconds for a year. The video below is a mosaic of 360 time-lapse movies, each showing a single day.

Totally mesmerizing -- enjoy!

(via zefrank.com)

Don't forget about Derville!

2011-11-18T11:17:00.000-08:00

Who could forget about Derville?

He's taking our loss pretty hard. Derville and Clancy were two poohs in a pod for sure.

Derville had never been completely alone while we were gone. He always had the Pooh to remind him of our everlasting promise -- we always come back. Sometimes we have to leave but we ALWAYS come back. He's starting to get it.

Derville's always been a needy little guy, but now without his big fur-brother around, he's beside himself. It's like he's lost in his own house. I feel the same way. But we are just trying to help each other through this sad time with laughter and extra attention for all.

Derville is such a caring little guy. Full of surprises and interests...

(Derville: We can play chess, talk literature, or make some music if that would help you feel better.)

(Derville: Hey check it out! *singing* Fat Cat in a Tiny Box. What!?! This box is too small for me? NEVER!)

He's getting better at snuggin' especially in the morning, but sometimes it still feels like cuddling up to a piranha! Muncha Muncha. But that's why we call him Munchster, and we couldn't love him more.

Thanks for all the smiles, Derville!

This is how I remember him in my dreams

2011-11-15T10:00:00.000-08:00

(Originally posted on The Life of Clancy blog in June 2009.)

Finding The Perfect Spot
________________________

You know...that spot...that's just perfect. The.Perfect.Spot.

Well I found one today and mmmm was it nice.

I encourage every one of you to go out and roll in the grass!

It's one of my favorite past times.

Hope you find your perfect spot.

Gotta Walk Alone

2011-11-14T14:13:00.000-08:00

This song pretty much sums up how I feel these days.

If I didn't have Jason, this would be one lonely fucking road.

"Gotta Walk Alone" by Willie Nelson.

(Pardon the craptastic video. This Vietnamese thing is the best I could find.)
----------------
I gotta walk alone
My sweetheart's gone
Nobody here loves me now
It's a long and lonesome road
I've got to walk alone

All the friends I knew
By two and two
Have left me one by one
It's a long and lonesome road
I've got to walk alone

Don't know where
Don't even care
I just keep walking on and on

All the friends I knew
By two and two
Have left me one by one
It's a long and lonesome road
I've got to walk alone

Don't know where
Don't even care
I just keep walking on and on

All the friends I knew
By two and two
Have left me one by one
It's a long and lonesome road
I've got to walk alone

Fare Thee Well, My Friend

2011-11-09T16:17:00.000-08:00

Clancy Pooh

(April 2, 1999 - November 9, 2011)

He passed away peacefully at home with his family after a short, but vigilant battle with cancer.

He will be missed by many.

Our hearts are broken.

We'll meet you again in the ether, my friend.

New Day Dawning

2011-10-26T09:38:00.000-07:00

This was the view from my window this morning as I did my yoga and meditation practice. What a beautiful way to welcome the day.

It made me think about Nina Simone singing "New World Comin'"

Here are the lyrics:

There's a new world comin'
And it's just around the bend
There's a brand new mornin'
That belongs to you and me
A new world commin'
The one we had vision of
And its comin' in peace
Is comin in joy
and comin in love...yea...yea...yea
There's a new world comin'
And its just around the bend
There's a new day dawning
the one that's for you and me
A new world comin'
The one we've had vision of
and it is comin in peace
comin' in love
Comin' in peace
Comin' in joy
and comin in peace
comin' in joy
And comin in love
And I saw another sign in Heaven
Great and marvelous
Seven angels having the seven last plagues
for in them is filled up the Wrath of God
And I saw as it were a sea of glass mingled with fire
And them that had gotten the victory over the beast
And over his image
and over his mark
and over his name,
stand on the sea of glass
with the harps of God all around them.

There's a new world comin'
and its just around the bend
There's a new day dawning

Beach Bums

2011-10-25T16:21:00.000-07:00

Beach Bums: Sarah and Clancy

(Carmel, CA -- July 2008)

Couple Dies Holding Hands

2011-10-24T12:31:00.000-07:00

This is the saddest yet sweetest love story. I can only hope for such a loving exit from this life.

The part where he dies but they are still picking up her pulse through his hand totally wrecked me. *Tears*

Electric Avenue

2011-10-23T17:22:00.000-07:00

Heard this on the way to yoga this morning.

I remember when this song was a hit in 1982.

Almost thirty years and the message is still the same.

"Electric Avenue" by Eddie Grant from Killer on the Rampage (1982)

Boy
Boy -
Now in the streets there is violence
an-na-na lots of work to be done.
No place to hang all our washing and then I can't blame it all on the sun.
Oh no
we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue
And then we'll take it higher.
Oh
we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue
And then we'll take it higher.

Working so hard like a soldier
can't afford the things on T.V.
Deep in my heart I abhore you
can't get food for the kid.
Good God
we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue . ..
Oh no
oh no
oh no
oh no

Oh Lord
we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue . . .
Who is to blame in what country? Never can get to the one.
Dealing in multiplication and they still can't feed everyone.
Oh no
we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue
Out in the streets
out in the streets

Out in the playground in the dark side of town.
Oh
we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue . . .
Oh
we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue . . .

Defying Gravity

2011-10-17T09:22:00.000-07:00

This little angel dog of ours continues to amaze us.

I can only hope to be as light-hearted as him when I'm pushing 88.

(Clancy catching air while playing rope ball with Jason yesterday.)

This was one of the best moments of my life.

Full Catastrophe Living

2011-10-13T10:20:00.000-07:00

"Full Catastrophe Living" by Jon Kabat-Zinn is the seminal resource for the MBSR course that Jason and I took earlier this year.

I've been slowly working my way through the book. Usually, I'm a total speed reader but this book is different. One sentence can hold me for days.

This passage I read today felt particularly poignant for me at this time in my life:

"To cultivate meditative awareness requires an entirely new way of looking at the process of learning. Since thinking that we know what we need and where we want to get are so ingrained in our minds, we can easily get caught up in trying to control things to make them turn out "our way," the way we want them to. But this attitude in antithetical to the work of awareness and healing. Awareness requires only that we pay attention and see things as they are. It doesn't require that we change anything. And healing requires receptivity and acceptance, a tuning to connectedness and wholeness. None of this can be forced, just as you cannot force yourself to go to sleep. You have to create the right conditions for falling asleep and then you have to let go. The same is true for relaxation. It cannot be achieved through force of will. That kind of effort will only produce tension and frustration."

Letting go is hard.

One fast move or I'm gone

2011-10-07T08:41:00.000-07:00

"One Fast Move or I'm Gone" by Ben Gibbard from Jack Kerouac's Big Sur.

This river of road,
It don't flow like it used to.
But it's more of a home
Than anywhere that I've ridden it to.

We used to dream together
But now I drink alone.
From the bottle to the tumbler
Is the only journey left I know.

And in my memories' depths I retrace my steps.
I cannot find where I went wrong.
It was one fast move or I'm gone.

I found out at an early age
I could make anything or plane
Disappear or cease to exist
If I turn my back to it.

And that the interstates, they don't connect
Where you are to what you've left.

And the ghost of our dreams
Haunt the roads in between.

Though nothing could compare to the love we share
It just didn't have a place to belong.

It was one fast move or I'm gone.

One fast move or I'm gone.
One fast move or I'm gone.

Two Poohs in a Pod

2011-10-05T17:40:00.000-07:00

(Clancy, Derville, and Hippo napping 10/05/11)

One More -- Did you read?

2011-10-01T09:27:00.000-07:00

Here's another one for the giggle box.

I think I've had this conversation before -- Bennett, I'm looking at you! Haha!

Portlandia: Dream of the 90s is alive in Portland

2011-09-30T16:30:00.000-07:00

I haven't smiled much this week, but this video gets me laughing every time. This is where I live and I love it! Let's end this week with a good belly laugh!

Welcome to Portland!

BTW, this video isn't too far off. Actually it's pretty spot-on!

Here's another one. If you need to add a special touch to something...just put a bird on it! The best part is around 1:10 in the video.

Life Fades Away - Roy Orbison

2011-09-23T11:46:00.000-07:00

Popular topics around our house these days have been quantum physics, String Theory, M Theory, Big Bang (and the unknown flip side), conscious immortality, Steven Hawking, William James, Isaac Asimov (particularly "Earth is Room Enough") and "Hidden Connections" by Fritjof Capra. And "The Aleph" by Borges.

I guess we are just really trying to figure out what THIS is all about. I just can't satiate myself with the ponderance that we simply are born, live, and die. There has to be more. Not more like heaven, but more like immortality. Our energy existing and reexisting. Channelling the energy into something else. It's the something that is so illusive to me.

In the past if I couldn't find a channel for my energy, I picked up and set out looking for it -- that Aleph. That point of all meaning. Now, I'm where I need to be. No more nomadic searches. Now that I'm here, I just wonder. What next?

We were watching a show on OPB that raised the question, "is it possible that we only exist in others' reality when our realities bump into each other?" I've been thinking about that a lot lately. It feels possible to me. I've moved into and out of so many people's lives in my vagabonding years that I know there are people out there that exist. However, if my reality had never bumped into their reality, would they have ever really existed?

Do I still exist once my reality ceases to bump into yours?
--------------------------------------------------------

Life Fades Away by Roy Orbison.

"I'm tired of tomorrow, lost for today, I long to be at peace forever..."

My time has come the clouds are calling.
December wind has came my way.
And now I feel the world falling.
All at once, it's too late.
Life fades away.

The night is my day.
All thoughts slip away
And even though, I must leave you.
Remember I love you.
I'll always be in your memories.
I will always be with you when I'm gone.

Hey, life fades away.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,yeah.
Life fades away.

I'm tired of tomorrow, lost for today.
I long to be at peace forever.
My dull peace
and even though, I will miss you.
I must leave you.

Hey, life fades away.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Life fades away.

So please forgive me and try not to cry.
I long to be at peace forever more.
Forever more.

Oh yeah, yeah , yeah ,yeah ,yeah.
Oh yeah, yeah ,yeah , yeah, yeah.
Life fades away.
Life fades away.
Life fades away. Away.

One last thing to say
Life fades away.

There is no "Jiffy" in Nature

2011-09-21T12:09:00.000-07:00

In preparation for our first winter planting, I decided to try the "Jiffy" method of starting the seeds. I planted three types of onions, broccoli, and cauliflower.

Here's the onions after 3 weeks:

When we plant seeds directly in the ground, they sprout after 5-7 days. These things were on week 3 and barely knee-high to a grasshopper!

So drastic measures had to be taken. Today I took the onion seeds that had sprouted and planted them in one of the vacant tires. Done.

Then, I decided to turn the soil in an unused spot in the big garden bed and plant a fresh round of onion seeds. Done.

The broccoli and cauliflower starts didn't do too bad. They sprouted in the Jiffy container about 10 days after planted but they were so wimpy! I planted them in another vacant spot in the big garden bed. Done.

We'll see how this winter planting goes. I'm not too concerned about the yield. My main two reasons for wanting the winter garden are:

1. It will help keep the soil from leaching and draining off during the winter
2. I really like watching nature at work and it would be nice to have something to entertain me during the gray winter days.

The Jiffy pot experiment has just reinforced to me something that I am learning more and more everyday. There is no "Jiffy" in nature. Things will happen when they are supposed to happen. And, more importantly, who am I to dictate when the right time is?

Our ecosystem has been functioning without "Jiffy" methods for millions and millions of years. I think we should continue to let the expert, Nature, set the timeline.

Seeds will sprout when the time is right. Not a minute before and not a minute too late.

We just have to be patient and trust Mother Nature.

NuArt: Oil pastel watercolor on paper

2011-09-15T09:53:00.000-07:00

Here's a photo of my latest painting. It's oil pastel crayon watercolor on heavy paper. You can check out my process for this type of painting here.

"Left Out"

After finishing this one, I realized that this is the fourth painting I've done that features a dress. Not sure if that means anything significant, but I thought it was interesting.

Gettin Saucy

2011-09-09T15:19:00.000-07:00

As Jason and I become more serious in our practice of sustainability, I've been trying to hone my canning skills and expand my recipe box.

Recently, I decided to try my hand at making tomato sauce and canning it. I definitely feel like I have transcended to another level in food preservation after this experience.

Here's some pictures of the process. Let's get saucy together!

Step 1: Collect all the ripe tomatoes from the garden, blanch them, then peel skins.

Step 2: Cook the tomatoes down. Since tomatoes are full of water, you don't need to add any liquid. Eventually the tomatoes will liquefy. You want to reduce the liquid by 1/3 to 1/2 to make sauce.

Note: I started cooking the tomatoes in the crock pot, by recommendation of a recipe, but ended up switching to a regular pot on the stove. Here's my rationale: in order to make tomato sauce, you need cook at least 1/3 of the water from your tomatoes. As we know, reduction is assisted greatly by taking the lid off while simmering. Well, when I took the lid off the crock pot, I lost the simmer. With the lid on, I kept the simmer, but also kept the water. Therefore, after several hours in the crock pot and no reduction happening, I dumped it all in a big pot on the stove and went from there. In the future, i will forego the slow cooker and go straight to the big pot.

Slow cooker

Big pot

Step 3: Begin water bath canning process.

I'm not even going to attempt to explain all that goes into getting those jars to the final "pop." I'll let the people at PickYourOwn.org explain the canning process. They have a wonderful step by step tutorial with pictures that I used.

Step 4: Bask in the glory of 3 quarts of homegrown, homemade, home-canned tomato sauce!

Step 5: Kick back and have a cold beer because it took you 8 hours to achieve 3 quarts of tomato sauce!

Obviously, these are just the highlights of making tomato sauce -- I left out ALL the dishwashing involved and the ever-present fear of third degree burns. (note to self: wear galoshes next time to protect those little tootsies!)

So Many Dahlias!!

2011-09-06T17:49:00.000-07:00

Jason and I went to the Swan Island Dahlia Festival last weekend and as promised, here are pictures.

Over 350 varieties!!!!

Swan Island Annual Dahlia Festival

2011-09-04T09:28:00.000-07:00

This morning we are off to the Swan Island Dahlias: Annual Dahlia Festival to see over 350 types of Dahlias!

Swan Island Dahlias is the largest and leading dahlia grower in the United States. They are located in the town of Canby, in the rich soil of the Willamette Valley of Oregon. This is exactly the area that Jason and I dream of settling down on and starting our own farm -- microfarm -- homestead. The dream. Ahhhh.

(Swan Island Dahlia Farm)

We are going early so we can get lots of good pictures (hopefully without a bunch of people in them) so keep an eye out for Dahlia photos!!

Music in the Morning

2011-09-02T12:10:00.000-07:00

Every now and then I take Jason to work in the morning so I can have the car (or just to get out of the house). Invariably, I hear a song on the radio that I haven't heard in years or maybe a song that I didn't like so much, but now it resonates.

Today was a situation of the latter. I re-heard "Hand in My Pocket" by Alanis Morissette after I dropped off Jason and it sounded good. I don't really care for Alanis but the song felt good. I turned it up and it made me smile. So here it is for your listening/viewing pleasure. (I wish there was less Alanis and her giant mouth in this video, but oh well.)

I'm broke but I'm happy
I'm poor but I'm kind
I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah
I'm high but I'm grounded
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful baby

What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be fine fine fine
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five

I feel drunk but I'm sober
I'm young and I'm underpaid
I'm tired but I'm working, yeah
I care but I'm worthless
I'm here but I'm really gone
I'm wrong and I'm sorry baby

What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be quite alright
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is flicking a cigarette

What it all comes down to
Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving the peace sign

I'm free but I'm focused
I'm green but I'm wise
I'm shy but I'm friendly baby
I'm sad but I'm laughing
I'm brave but I'm chicken shit
I'm sick but I'm pretty baby

And what it all boils down to
Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is playing the piano

What it all comes down to my friends
Is that everything's just fine fine fine
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is hailing a taxicab...

Garden Update: End of Summer Is Near

2011-08-31T16:34:00.000-07:00

Okay. Here we go. It has been a weird summer and I haven't done a very good job with the garden updates. So I'm just going to cram as much into this post as possible. Seeing it is the last day of August, which is essentially the end of summer, I would like to have the garden on record before it's time to put it in next year!

Snow Peas:
These did very well. We harvested, shucked, and blanched. We ended up with 2 quart bags of peas for the freezer.

Green beans:
Did very well, also. We harvested and blanched. Ended up freezing one gallon bag. I'm going to make our Thanksgiving green bean casserole with beans from our garden this year!

Tomatoes:

Did a good job of training and trellising the plants. They were HUGE!!

But was slack in trimming back non-producing limbs to make room for more growth. All of the plants fell completely over at one point or another (except the Roma because it is only 2 feet tall, which is also weird).

Everyday we looked out the window and another one was laid over. We tied them up, tied them to each other, and even let one use the chaise lounge! There was so much unnecessary growth that the plants were pushing their cages out of the ground and flopping over! They also were not focusing on the task at hand -- making ripe tomatoes! Eventually, I went snip-happy on them and trimmed off a giant pile. All plants lived and we had red tomatoes within days.

Beets:

These did very very well. Seems like root veggies love it here. We chose to plant carrots, beets, radishes this year because the winter was so rainy and the slugs were so bad, we knew the leafy veggies would just be a liability.

We harvested the beets, cleaned them up, blanched them, removed skin (what a pain in the ASS!), and pickled them. We yielded 10 half pint jars and 2 quart jars! We've stashed them away in the pantry for the winter. This was a very long and arduous process. I can definitely say we were "beet" by the end of the day!

Oh my gosssssshhhhh, this post could go on forever! There are so many pictures of the garden and I just don't have the time to write about it all. So, I'm going to post a slide show of all the garden pictures so you can check them all out.

Enjoy!

PS. We're planning on having a winter garden this year. I'm planning to sow the seeds soon (it's way late to plant a winter garden but what the hell!). I don't have high hopes for the crop, but I am hoping that a little ground cover will help keep our fabulous soil from washing away like last year.

Always something new to try with our urban farming!

Kings Over Breath

2011-08-29T09:53:00.000-07:00

Post by Jason - imported from The Digital Fallout.

Motherless men cling to a life raft helpless
drifting further and further out to sea
a lighthouse twinkles in the motherless men's eyes
but grows distant on the horizon
becoming a stargazers last bright bursting dot of the night
an aleph fading out from the motherless man's sight

space

that is the point of all points

changed

that is the point

darkness folding over night

becoming one

fear and understanding unite

Infinite!

Work. Busy. Music. Listen.

2011-08-26T09:20:00.000-07:00

I want to live in a grass house and play on Giant's Causeway.

BON IVER "Holocene" from nabil elderkin on Vimeo.

"someway, baby, it's part of me, apart from me"
You're laying waste to Halloween
You fucked it friend, it's on it's head, it struck the street
You're in Milwaukee, off your feet

... and at once I knew I was not magnificent
Strayed above the highway aisle
(Jagged vacance, thick with ice)
I could see for miles, miles, miles

3rd and Lake it burnt away, the hallway
Was where we learned to celebrate
Automatic bought the years you'd talk for me
That night you played me 'Lip Parade'
Not the needle, nor the thread, the lost decree
Saying nothing, that's enough for me

... and at once I knew I was not magnificent
Hulled far from the highway aisle
(Jagged vacance, thick with ice)
I could see for miles, miles, miles

Christmas night, it clutched the light, the hallow bright
Above my brother, I entangled spines
We smoked the screen to make it what it was to be
Now to know it my memory:

... and at once I knew I was not magnificent.
High above the highway aisle
(Jagged vacance, thick with ice)
I could see for miles, miles, miles

Homegrown Revolution - The Urban Homestead

2011-08-19T18:09:00.000-07:00

The path to freedom begins with sustainability and self-sufficiency. Freedom is my dream.

This short film expresses exactly how Jason and I feel about urban farming. It explains all of the reasons why we dream about the Art Farm (our future urban homestead in the Willamette Valley).

Check out their website: http://urbanhomestead.org/.

"Don't look for others to change, you start by changing yourself."

For Grins on Friday

2011-08-19T17:35:00.000-07:00

It's been a pretty crazy week so I wanted to wrap it up with something to make us all smile and go Awwwww.

Best Buddies

More posts next week on the garden, pickled beets and blackberry jam, OH MY!

Hope you have a great weekend! I think it's BEER:30 by my watch ;-)

Winnebago Man

2011-08-12T17:55:00.000-07:00

OMG!!! How have I never seen this guy before!?!

He's off the fucking chain and it's hilarious!

It's almost poetic how he fits so many curse words into each exclamation!

"...an ‘80s RV salesman whose hilarious, profanity-strewn, on-the-job meltdown was captured on video and passed around on VHS tapes, before exploding into an Internet phenomenon seen by millions. Filmmaker Ben Steinbauer goes in search of the infamous viral video star and discovers him living a hermit-like existence on top of a mountain, unaware of his fame."

The documentary about this guy is awesome!

Check it out!

Watch more free documentaries

Evolution of the Hipster

2011-08-08T13:31:00.000-07:00

Got a joke for you:
Why did the hipster burn his mouth eating pizza?
Because he ate it before it was cool. Ha!

This video is very educational in case you're wondering what exactly constitutes a "hipster."

Jefferson Starship - Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now

2011-08-06T11:33:00.000-07:00

Woke up with this song in my head today. This video is pretty corny but I did kinda like the movie Mannequin.

I especially like this part of the song:

Let em say we're crazy, what do they know
Put your arms around me baby
Don't ever let go
Let the world around us just fall apart
Baby we can make it if we're heart to heart

Looking in your eyes I see a paradise
This world that I've found
Is too good to be true
Standing here beside you
Want so much to give you
This love in my heart that I'm feeling for you

Let em say we're crazy, I don't care about that
Put your hand in my hand baby
Don't ever look back
Let the world around us just fall apart
Baby we can make it if we're heart to heart

Chorus:
And we can build this dream together
Standing strong forever
Nothing's gonna stop us now
And if this world runs out of lovers
We'll still have each other
Nothing's gonna stop us, nothing's gonna stop us now

I'm so glad I found you
I'm not gonna lose you
Whatever it takes I will stay here with you
Take it to the good times
See it through the bad times
Whatever it takes is what I'm gonna do

Let em say we're crazy, what do they know
Put your arms around me baby
Don't ever let go
Let the world around us just fall apart
Baby we can make it if we're heart to heart

And we can build this dream together
Standing strong forever
Nothings gonna stop us now
And if this world runs out of lovers
We'll still have each other
Nothing's gonna stop us, nothing's gonna stop us

Ooh, all that I need is you
All that I ever need
And all that I want to do
Is hold you forever, ever and ever, hey

(guitar solo)

And we can build this dream together
Standing strong forever
Nothing's gonna stop us now
And if this world runs out of lovers
Well still have each other

Nothing's gonna stop us
Nothing's gonna stop us, whoa
Nothing's gonna stop us now, oh no

Hey baby, I know, hey baby, nothing's gonna stop us
Hey baby, woo, nothing, hey baby
Nothing's gonna stop us now yeah

Camouflage Cat Perch

2011-08-03T16:24:00.000-07:00

I painted Derville's cat perch the other day.

I happened to have white and black paint on hand so I decided to make the perch camouflage. Derv is a midnight marauder, shadow-lurking weirdo so camo is perfect.

Jason thinks it has a Dr. Suess look to it. I have to agree.

First, I painted the entire thing white.

Then I attacked it with some glossy black.

All finished!

Installed -

Obviously, the cat loves his perch and it matches perfectly!

AWOLNATION -- "Not Your Fault"

2011-08-01T14:24:00.000-07:00

Another tasty jam from Awolnation, Megalithic Symphony album "Not Your Fault."

Jason and I really love the way the lead singer's voice has this distorted AM static sound to it -- very cool.

She was built with a brain
and some swagger.
A little scream, little cry,
little laughter.
She's a ten,
I'm a joke in my own mind.
But she still loves to dance
with my punch lines.

This love found us
now I see it.
This love up down.
Please believe.

Baby, when I'm yellin' at you,
It's not your fault
It's not your fault, yeah and
Baby cuz I'm crazy for you,
It's not your fault
It's not your fault, yeah
Maybe I'm a little confused,
It's not your fault
It's not your fault, yeah and
Baby, it a wonderful news.
It's not your fault
It's not your fault, yeah

Oh, it's not that you should care.
I just wanted you to know.

I'm a fight with myself
till I'm bleeding.
Just a taste of your skin
starts the healing.
Anyone from my past
get your ammo.
Find my sun in the dark side
of my shadow.

This love found us
now I see it.
This love up down.
Please believe.

Baby, when I'm yellin' at you,
It's not your fault
It's not your fault, yeah and
Baby cuz I'm crazy for you,
It's not your fault
It's not your fault, yeah
Maybe I'm a little confused,
It's not your fault
It's not your fault, yeah and
Baby, it a wonderful news.
It's not your fault
It's not your fault, yeah

Oh, it's not that you should care.
I just wanted you to know.

Hey, hey
na na na na
Hey, hey
na na na na
Hey, hey
na na na na
Hey, hey
na na na na
na na na na
na na na na

Oh, it's not that you should care.
I just wanted you
Oh, it's not that you should care.
I just wanted you to know.
Oh oh oh

Baby, when I'm yellin' at you,
It's not your fault
It's not your fault, yeah and
Baby cuz I'm crazy for you,
It's not your fault
It's not your fault, yeah
Maybe I'm a little confused,
It's not your fault
It's not your fault, yeah and
Baby, it a wonderful news.
It's not your fault
It's not your fault, yeah

Oh, it's not that you should care.
I just wanted you to know.

Rube Goldberg self-portrait machine

2011-07-29T09:48:00.000-07:00

If you liked Mouse Trap the board game, you're gonna love this!

I can only imagine how many tries it took to get all the way through!

Very cool and from: http://www.zefrank.com/

Control the Food and You Control the People

2011-07-28T16:59:00.000-07:00

The issue of GMOs (Genetically Modified Organisms) is not new, but it is important. This film is both enlightening and devastating.

GMO Film Project Sizzler from Compeller Pictures on Vimeo.

Can't wait till we have our farm and know exactly where all of our food comes from.

Photo Round-up

2011-07-25T14:49:00.000-07:00

Here's a bit of a photo round-up for the last couple weeks:

The garden is like a jungle! It is taller than Jason! See his hands in the air at the other end?

Unfortunately, one of the tomato plants fell over and snapped a few major limbs. We propped it back up and we'll see what happens. This may be our largest garden casualty, to date.

Green beans are here! Check out this cute little bugger!

Saw something interesting at the garden store-- a lotus flower rain chain.

Very cool. I like the rain chain idea but this guy was $250!?!

Clancy is feeling much better! (You can always tell he's feeling good when he sleeps with all fours in the air)

Derville lays on his cat perch and demurely asks, "Do these white pants make me look fat?"

Jason and I ate a whole pan of this sinfully awesome layered pudding dessert. Learning our lesson, we made a rule that I will only make this if we are having guests or taking it to a party. It was soooo good but way too much for two people (although we didn't waste any)!

He knows how to make me smile

2011-07-22T16:00:00.000-07:00

GIANT FLOWERS + GIANT BALLOON = GIANT SMILE

(That balloon is bigger than Clancy!)

Thanks sweetie! They really brightened my day!

Love you!

While the rest of the country is melting...

2011-07-21T15:14:00.000-07:00

We are sitting comfortably at 68 degrees with windows open all day and light fluffy cloud cover with intermittent sunbursts.

According to the news, pretty much the whole country is having record-breaking heat this summer.

Everywhere except the Pacific Northwest.

I think we might hit 80+ this weekend!

The garden loves it.

The cool weather feels a little weird. Everyone says this is completely atypical, but then they also said it never snows here (and that's just not true)!
Blackberries will be ready next -- prepare for jam!

Thanks Mom

2011-07-20T09:04:00.000-07:00

Thanks for everything Mom ;-)

Love you!

No alarms and no surprises please

2011-07-16T13:40:00.000-07:00

Things are thankfully uneventful right now...that's good.

Like the songs says, "No alarms and no surprises please."

"No Surprises" by Radiohead

Garden update: week 8

2011-07-11T17:18:00.000-07:00

It's been about 8 weeks since we put in the garden and boy-howdy is it growing!

Jason doing his evening watering:

Everything is SO BIG!

Beets

Green Beans

Carrots

Tomatoes

We have little greenies on almost all of our tomato plants! I can't wait till the start to ripen and we can eat fresh, sun-warmed tomatoes.

YUM!!

For grins, here is a picture of the garden on the day we planted it (8 weeks ago):

Jack of all trades turned career woman

2011-07-06T17:01:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my FIVE year anniversary at my current job! Well, I guess it's actually a CAREER. I've never had one of those before. I've had tons of jobs, but this is my first bonafide career! I've learned and grown so much over these last five years.

I landed this ~~job~~ career the second week Jason and I moved to LA, which is unheard of! I literally pulled my suit out of the trash bag in which I had packed it and went to the interview. That was on a Wednesday. I got the offer two days later on Friday. Now that I've been with the company for so long, I realize that what happened to me was a total anomaly. It takes WEEKS for the offer paperwork to go through all the corporate red tape. Sometimes I still feel like they are going to realize I was a mistake and ask me to leave, but after five years I'm starting to get over it!

As I begin to think of myself as a career woman, I look back at ALL the jobs that led me to where I am now. It's quite astonishing and highly laughable. Before this career, I had never held a full-time job for a full 2 years -- 1.75 years was the record. I decided to make a list of all my jobs thus far. It's...well...a lot.

Work History:

Chores around the house -- since birth (well maybe not that long, but most of my life)
Bulletin board design and production -- ad hoc -- age 8 and up (helped my mother who was an elementary school teacher with classroom decorations)
Volunteer candy striper at the local hospital; worked in the OR/RR, Radiology, and as Greeter -- summers -- ages 10-13 (got paid with cafeteria lunches and yes, I wore a red and white striped jumper)
Junior lifeguard at the public pool -- summers -- ages 14-15 (only paying job in town that would let you work before you turned 16)
Swim lesson instructor -- summers -- ages 14-15 (part of the lifeguard gig)
After-hours janitorial services -- evenings during school year -- ages 14 -15 (this job allowed me to get a hardship drivers license and have a car at 14)
Waitress at Western Sizzlin -- evenings during school year -- age 16 (got this job because I wrecked my new car and needed fast money to fix it -- paid the whole thing off with stacks of dollar bills and rolls of quarters)
Retail sales associate at Bealls Department Store -- after school and weekends during school year -- age 17 (learned the rules about poaching customers from coworkers the hard way)
Farmhand/summer help at University of Arkansas Agricultural Research and Extension Center -- summers -- ages 16-19 (my favorite job ever, but also the hardest/hottest)
Undergraduate college student at Auburn University -- PR major -- ages 18-21 (easiest job ever)
Lab assistant in nematode/soil testing lab at University of Arkansas Agricultural Research and Extension Center -- during all college holiday breaks -- ages 18-21 (most interesting job; should've been a scientist)
Copy center worker (aka copy bitch) at the Copy Cat Auburn University -- part-time year-round -- age 18-22 (this was a legacy job handed down from my brother)
International Press Office Assistant at Mulberry in London, England -- summer undergrad internship -- age 21 (time of my life!)
Graduate school student at Auburn University -- Concentration in Communication -- age 21-23 (second easiest job ever)
Graduate Teaching Assistant at Auburn University; taught college level Public Speaking -- during school year -- age 21-23 (funniest job ever)
Mobile golf course refreshment stand (aka beer bitch) at Grand National Golf Course -- summer -- age 22 (suckiest job ever -- old man golfers can be such perverts)
Office of Student Recruiting at Auburn University School of Pharmacy -- summer graduate internship -- age 23 (uneventful)
Freelance grant writer for University of Arkansas Community College in Hope -- one-time gig -- age 23 (this job allowed me to move to Northern California sight-unseen)
Door-to-door supplemental insurance salesperson Northern California -- didn't last long -- age 24 (most unethical job ever but now I have NO fear of cold-calling for anything)
Retail associate at Carl Johnson Company in Eureka California -- full time -- age 24-25 (weirdest job ever working in an old-timey mercantile; felt like Little House on the Prairie)
Sales manager at Omega Sports Store in Durham, NC -- full-time -- age 25 (best quitting story; ends with me calling the store manager a heartless bitch)
Interior Design Consultant/Showroom Manager at Hard Rock Marble and Tile in Hillsborough, NC -- full-time -- age 26 (most creative job ever and fueled my love for natural stone)
Sales associate at a marina supplies distributor in Irving, TX -- full-time -- age 27 (most frightening job ever; quit this one after the boss/owner physically and verbally assaulted me -- yes, this type of shit still happens in modern-day workplaces)
Human Resource Consultant; print and web production specialist for multi-billion dollar, industry leading corporation -- full-time plus some -- age 28-33

So here I am and that's my story -- so far!

Can't wait to see where the next 33 years lands me!

Note: I just added internships and I'm sure I will continue to add more things as they come back to me. There are a few jobs that I just wiped from my memory.

Cat Perch, Pabst Blue Ribbon, and Tracheobronchitis

2011-07-05T17:26:00.000-07:00

Never a dull moment around here!

Funny things first...Derville met my dad (Papa to the grand-kids and grand-furbabies) a couple of weeks ago and got to bask in the engineering and carpentry genius that is Papa.

Behold: THE CAT PERCH

It is completely removable and made entirely from scrap wood.

It has two ledges since it is pretty high up. The cat jumps onto the bottom ledge then up to the top, like a ladder!

I just mentioned to Dad that I thought it would be cool to attach a board to the sliding door handle so Derville could get up high (other than the kitchen counters) and look out the window.

So later that day, Mom and I went to the store and when we came back, Jason and "Papa" had created this AWESOME cat perch! Derville immediately knew it was made special just for him and he loves it and we love our Papa!! We're going to paint it black and white like the cat -- you know, like camouflage!

We find Derv up there in the middle of the night -- a lurking, ominous, silhouette. Very creepy!

Let's see, what else? Oh yeah! I was bored the other day and it was beautiful outside so I decided to steal Jason's bike and ride to the store for beers. I LOVE RIDING THAT BIKE!! Holy cow I can't believe I waited so long to take it for a spin!

I ran a few errands nearby and then picked up some beers. I couldn't fit the Pabst Tall Boys in my little back pack so I strapped them onto the rack with our handy-dandy bungee cord and rode away with the wind in my hair and the sun on face.

It was EPIC!

On a less fun note, we had to take Clancy to the vet this weekend because the poor guy was making terrible hacking/honking noises and then started having distressed breathing and was choking when he drank water. Our poor little pooch was diagnosed with tracheobronchitis :-(

Luckily, it is treatable, but it's going to take a lot of rest and medication to kick it.

Here's the little Pooh resting with his hippo. Awwwwww....

So if you have a chance, send a little lovin energy this way for the Pooh.

He's my bestest pal and has been my trusty side-kick for over a decade and I can't stand to see him not feeling well!

Get well soon, Pooh! We love you!

The Land of Milk and Honey

2011-07-01T13:48:00.000-07:00

So Wednesday was a pretty whirl-wind type of day. I went down to the land of milk and honey (L.A.) for a client meeting and then came back the same evening. Never a dull moment in the consulting world!

The cab picked me up at 6am. It was still chilly so I was sporting leg warmers and Merrills till Burbank.

In the picture below, you can see Mt. Hood and Mt. St. Helens in the distance on the horizon sticking up over the clouds.

Mt. Hood peaking over the clouds.

Arrived at Burbank. Took a cab downtown.

(Sidenote: when riding in taxis in L.A. you just have to come to terms with the fact that you may just die before you make it to your destination. This time I was really ready to give up the ghost when we almost got creamed by a semi-truck while getting on the 5 because the cab driver was figuring out the GPS. Obviously, I didn't die this time but it was close. Like, my-asshole-still-puckers-thinking-about-it close. However, I have a theory that there must be some kind of protective force field around everyone driving there because it always feels like you are on the verge of crashing but then you don't. It's really weird in a comforting type of way.)

So I made it to the office. This was my view for about 20 minutes then off to the meeting.

Putting on my "game face".

Client meeting in this building in the Valley.

Then back to Bob Hope Airport in Burbank and winging it back to Portland.

Mt. Hood welcoming me home.

Ahhh, I love where I live!!

Hood Berry Jam

2011-06-28T16:37:00.000-07:00

I mentioned in a previous post that I was hoping we would get enough Hood Berries (strawberries) to make some jam and WE DID!

This haul was too much to munch on or to put on cereal so we decided they must be processed.

First, I hulled the berries, washed them real good, and put them in a glass bowl.

Okay, here is where I completely deviate from most jam/preserve recipes. I just CANNOT get on board with the traditional 4:1 ratio of refined white sugar to berries. That's 4 CUPS of sugar to 1 cup of berries. I had about 6 or 7 cups of berries so that would be like 28 CUPS of sugar!?! Fug that.

So I found a few replacements for sugar -- and I don't mean artificial sweetener because that stuff tastes like chemical death to me.

Here's the alternatives I used to sweeten the berries (though they hardly need it!): honey and unsweetened applesauce!

I mixed the honey (about 1/4 cup), one snack pack size unsweetened applesauce, and maybe 1/4 cup regular sugar into about 10 cups of whole berries last night and let them chill out in the fridge overnight.

Then I took out the mixture today, smashed it all up, and put it on the stove to get thick and bubbly. Mixing and whisking away.

NOTE: DO NOT LEAVE COOKING BERRIES UNATTENDED!!!!

I learned that one the hard way. I put the lid on and went to do one tiny thing and totally forgot about it!! I came back 20 minutes later to massive berry explosion and a wrecked kitchen. It took longer to clean up the mess than it did to make the jam!!

Oh well, c'est la vie! The outcome was worth it.

I managed to still have a lot of berries left in the pot so proceeded with adding some tapioca (about 4 tbsp) to the berry mix (which was closer to 5 or 6 cups after the explosion). I stirred and stirred till it thickened up, then I ladled it into jars. (Note: I used tapioca because I had it on hand. Sure-gel (pectin) works good too.)

I think (2) half pint jars, (1) pint jar, and a baby food jar full of yummy Hood Berry jam is a pretty good yield (considering the explosion and all)!

I was too tired from cleaning the mess to do water bath canning so I just filled up jars and put them in the fridge. To make sure it all is enjoyed before it spoils (since I didn't can them), we'll give some to neighbors and eat the rest.

I can't wait to try it out (on ice cream)!! YUM!

If I Needed You...

2011-06-27T10:26:00.000-07:00

I had a very bad dream last night which left me feeling all alone when I woke up. Luckily Jason was there to comfort me.

But I still can't shake the feeling and it made me wonder...

If I needed you, would you come to me, and ease my pain?

"If I Needed You" by Townes van Zandt

If I needed you
Would you come to me,
Would you come to me,
And ease my pain?
If you needed me
I would come to you
I’d swim the seas
For to ease your pain

In the night forlorn
The morning’s born
And the morning shines
With the lights of love
You will miss sunrise
If you close your eyes
That would break
My heart in two

The lady’s with me now
Since I showed her how
To lay her lily
Hand in mine
Loop and lil agree
She’s a sight to see
And a treasure for
The poor to find

If I needed you
Would you come to me,
Would you come to me,
And ease my pain?
If you needed me
I would come to you
I’d swim the seas
For to ease your pain

(In the beginning of this video, TVZ explains how he wrote the song in his sleep.)

Happy Summer Solstice

2011-06-21T18:03:00.000-07:00

Today is the summer solstice, which marks the first day of summer! Hooray!

The sun made an appearance this morning and it was beautiful.

This is the longest day of the year -- the sun came up around 5:30am and probably won't set until around 10pm!

We were really lucky to actually see the sun today. It was a gorgeous morning and has turned into a warm fluffy-cloud afternoon.

I just can't get over how blue the sky gets and how the clouds are so whimsical and light and fluffy.

It's definitely a beautiful sky here in the Pacific Northwest -- when you can see it!

Garden Update: Up, Up, and Away!!

2011-06-20T18:14:00.000-07:00

The garden is growing like crazy!!

Here are some fresh pics from today to compare with the pictures from less than a month ago when we put the garden in.

The radishes are really bustin' out! They should be ready for Mom and Dad's visit this week. Prepare for stinky radish burps!

The carrots are still tiny, but pushing along none the less!

We have spring mix, romaine and kale in the pots and it is out of control! What the heck do you do with kale, anyway? I guess we better figure it out because we are going to have a ton of it!

The tomatoes are coming along nicely. We put the cages out last weekend.

The green beans and snow peas are reaching high for the sky. We put out our only trellis and I think we'll need another.

The stars of the garden are, hands-down, the Hood Berries (strawberries). These guys are turning red faster than we can pick them!

Almost a whole bowl full!

I'm hoping enough berries will ripen at once so I can make a preserve or something out of them. If not, I'm just as happy eating them right out of the garden!

Meeting Harper

2011-06-15T14:32:00.000-07:00

Jason and I had the pleasure of meeting our adorable niece, Harper, for the first time last week!

Jason's brother Josh and his wife Diana journeyed all the way to our side of the country from Texas to introduce us to their daughter, sweet little Harper Mae. Thanks guys!

(Harper laughs at Lambie)

We had a blast cruising the Pacific Northwest in their giant Grand Marquis rental car. This thing fit four adults and a car seat with no problem! We nicknamed it Dragnet because it felt like we were kickin' it cop-style. Diana was the driver extraordinaire for the whole trip. Thanks, Diana! Some of those roads were pretty hairy!

(Dragnet the super-cruiser)

First, we headed east in the Columbia River Gorge to check out Multnomah Falls and Vista House.

(Josh, Diana, Harper at Multnomah Falls)

Then we headed west to the coast to check out the Pacific Ocean. We stopped at Cannon Beach and Indian Beach (where you can see the rocks featured in the movie "Goonies" which is a favorite for all of us). This was also Harper's first ocean experience. We can't wait until she's old enough to watch Goonies and see these same rocks.

(Josh, Harper, Diana at Indian Beach with Keyhole Rock in the background)

On the last day of their visit, a few of our Hood Strawberries were ready for picking. Harper got the first one of the year!

(Diana and Uncle Jason picking strawberries with Harper)

It was so great to see family and meet the newest addition -- we can't wait until next time! We've already started our Capehaven jar ;-)

We did tons of other things so check out the slide show below to see all of our pictures from the visit.

My Mens

2011-06-08T14:44:00.000-07:00

Just thinking about how much I love these men of mine and how lucky I am to have them in my life.

Clancy Pooh and Derville Too:

(they love lounging on my pillows)

My Main Man:

(Shadow on the wall)

Love Ya'll!!

It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

2011-06-03T15:38:00.000-07:00

Oh glorious sunshine!

We are experiencing some incredible weather here today -- the sun is full-on and there is not a rain cloud in sight!

Everything is SO green and flowers are blooming everywhere! It's been gray and wet for so long that all the plants are going crazy with the warm sunshine.

(Rhododendron)

(unknown to me)

(Bleeding Heart Flowers)

Also, we are rabbit-sitting for the next 17 days for our neighbor, so I decided to enjoy the weather and walk over and say hi to Rabbit. Isn't he precious?!

Poor guy doesn't have a real name and I LOVE to name things so I think I'll just give him a temporary name.

Let's see...what are some names that I've liked recently? Can't think of any.

Hmmm...I really like using old men names for pets...I've already had a Meryl and a Cecil...hmmmmm...

I'VE GOT IT!! We'll call him Gus!

Everyone, say hello to Gus the rabbit!

Gardening and some dirty nostalgia

2011-06-01T16:16:00.000-07:00

The garden is finally IN!!!

We planted tomato starts and used seeds for green beans, snow peas, cucumbers, radishes, carrots, beets, lettuce, kale, basil, and pumpkins.

We had to hold off on putting the garden in this year due to all the rain and the lingering low temperatures. But this weekend we finally did it and it looks great!!

Larry came through again this year with a truckload of bomb-ass soil for our garden boxes. This time he had it delivered straight to our driveway. It's interesting how they do it here -- the truck just dumps the dirt at the end of your driveway and you wheelbarrow it to the back. I told him this was new to me for residential purposes. (Funny how you don't really think about some things until you see the antithesis.)

In true Oregonian form, he asks "So what did you do when you needed dirt?" I told him, looking back over the years, that I guess we just bought a shit load of bags of dirt. I know, not very green of us.

Start nostalgic tangent:
I only remember about the bags of dirt because one time in high school, the guy I was "going with" and his buddy came over to my house while my dad was doing yard work. They puffed up, trying to look manly (ha!) and in their deepest voices greeted my dad with hearty handshakes and "Hello Mr. K! Doin' some yard work? Need some help?"

In true Dad form, he said, "Hell yeah, grab those bags of dirt and carry them to the other side of the house."

Oh my gawd, I died right there in the driveway.

There were probably 50 huge bags of soil lined up in the garage! Of course, my guy could hardly lift one bag, but luckily his friend knew what it meant to do hard work and they moved the bags in about an hour. It seemed like a lifetime, though, because we were trying to get the hell outta there under the guise of going to the movies or something but instead doing stupid teenage things like playing quarters till I puked. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's how that night went. End nostalgic tangent

So yeah, bags of dirt is how we did it when I was growing up, Larry.

Back to the garden, our Hood Berries are growing out of control! We only had two plants last year and harvested about 3 berries. This year we already have over a hundred little greenies set and a hundred more blooms getting ready to fruit.

Hopefully, we'll have tons of red, ripe berries for our special visitors next week! We're so excited to share our little piece of the world with them!

The Big Four Ohhhhhhhh

2011-05-29T21:14:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday, sweetheart! I'm so glad we are together today (and everyday).

I made this funny gif of Derrrrr playing with his pot. I thought it would make you smile :-)

Make avatar

Love you and happy big 4-0!

BTW - I hear that you have to be more careful about sitting on your balls at your age...hahaha!
(Sorry babe, I had to give you a little shit on your big day! loveee youuuuu)

In Loving Memory

2011-05-26T10:18:00.000-07:00

D:
We love you and miss you so much. Not a day goes by that we don't think about you and how you touched our lives in so many ways.

Thank you for the incredibly big, beautiful irises that we'll be seeing around this time each year. They are amazing. Like you.

We made this stepping stone so we have another small reminder of you every time we pass by. We used crushed up blue porcelain and terracotta pieces from old pots and some marbles.

We thought you would've liked it.

Missing you and love always,
J&S

My Heart Bleeds for You

2011-05-25T14:32:00.000-07:00

Experiment with India Ink #1

"My Heart Bleeds for You"

India Ink and Acrylic on Canvas

Leave it to me as I find a way to be...

2011-05-24T12:05:00.000-07:00

We watched "Into the Wild" several years ago and thought it was a good movie.

We watched it again earlier this year and this time it was amazing. I thought I knew a lot about life before but I was oblivious of so many things.

This song "Guaranteed" by Eddie Vedder (who did the whole soundtrack) has really resonated with me. I'm not sure why. I'm not even sure what it means or what it means to me. But it makes my soul stir and I want to share it with you.

These are my favorite lyrics from the song:

Leave it to me as I find a way to be
consider me a satelite for ever orbiting
I knew all the rules but the rules did not know me
guaranteed...

On bended knee is no way to be free
lifting up an empty cup I ask silently
that all my destinations will accept the one that's me
so I can breath

Circles they grow and they swallow people whole
half their lives they say goodnight to wive's they'll never know
got a mind full of questions and a teacher in my soul
so it goes...

Don't come closer or I'll have to go
Holding me like gravity are places that pull
If ever there was someone to keep me at home
It would be you...

Everyone I come across in cages they bought
they think of me and my wandering
but I'm never what they thought
got my indignation but I'm pure in all my thoughts
I'm alive...

Wind in my hair, I feel part of everywhere
underneath my being is a road that disappeared
late at night I hear the trees
they're singing with the dead
overhead...

Leave it to me as I find a way to be
consider me a satelite for ever orbiting
I knew all the rules but the rules did not know me
guaranteed...

Love Birds

2011-05-23T17:12:00.000-07:00

This time last year, you and I were in separate states for seven days.

Separate states - geographically, physically, emotionally, and mentally.

Seven of the most heart-wrenching days I've experienced in my life.

While you were away, I would wrap myself with your big warm flannel shirts and pretend it was you giving me a big hug. Not the same though.

I spent the days staring out the window at the rain. It rained the whole time we were apart.

Seven days of wondering and waiting to hear from you.

I spent the nights trying to reach you by telepathy and then crying myself to sleep. Wrapped in your flannel and hugging a pillow I put on your side of the bed.

Then I got your call. Come here. It's time.

Turns out those seven days apart were only the prelude to the next seven together.

At least we were together for the hardest part.

Walking together in the pain like two lost love birds whose nest was just destroyed by the hand of nature.

Confused. Lost. Together. Alone.

(Male and female duck walking down our street together in the rain.)

Clothing-Optional

2011-05-19T08:31:00.000-07:00

Okay, so Jason and I got invited to go with some friends to the clothing-optional beach on Sauvie Island today. It's suppose to be the nicest day of the year -- 75 and sunny (maybe even 80 if we are lucky)!

We're always up for an adventure, so off we go.

Or maybe I should say, off the clothes go.

I have to admit, it's been a long winter and although we have both lost a ton of weight over the last year, I'm a bit hesitant to bare it all. I mean, really, there are just some parts of the body that are WAY TOO SENSITIVE for direct sun exposure. (Men, I'm mainly looking at your "bag of tricks" when I make this statement.)

I went to some topless beaches in Europe and I decided "When in Rome..."

It really was not a big deal. It actually looked more ridiculous to have a bathing suit on. And then when you see an 80 year-old woman with tits that look like fried eggs sliding down the wall, your self-esteem goes through the roof and inhibitions are tossed in the pile with your bathing suit.

Besides, deep down, who doesn't want to run around bare-assed in the sun!

Count me in!

Technical Difficulties

2011-05-17T16:48:00.000-07:00

I've been dealing with a very hard to diagnosis internet connectivity issue for over a week.

Helpdesks galore.

I have almost hurled all computer-related bullshit out the window more than once. And I may or may not have had several fist-clenching, teeth-gnashing, screaming fits at the computer over the last 48 hours.

Seems like all is well now.

I fucking hate computers.

Continuing Education - MBSR Silent Retreat #2

2011-05-13T13:37:00.000-07:00

As mentioned, May is turning out to be a challenging month for us. Jason and I have both recognized an increase in our anxious, sad, angry, frustrated feelings this month.

We were talking about how we wished there was another level to the MBSR course we took earlier this year. We've been doing yoga on our own daily and at the studio on Sundays. This has helped immensely with keeping these brewing feelings at bay, but as for dealing with it in the overall sense, it's still really hard to stay calm inside. Alas, there is not another "level" to the MBSR course, so we resigned to the fact that there is always room to learn more on our own and work on our meditative and yoga practices in our own way.

However, the very next day, we get an email from the MBSR director inviting us, as MBSR alumni, to join the current class's silent retreat. We were thrilled and accepted the invitation immediately.

I'm pretty sure that this silent retreat is going to be much more emotionally charged than the one we attended in February. In fact, the next day after accepting the invitation, Jason and I both admitted that we kind of thought it might be too hard right now and maybe we should decline. However, noticing and recognizing this fear made us realize that we probably need to do this now more than ever. I have so much in my head that I need to sort out, shelve, or let go of.

So Sunday we will be participating in our second 6 hour silent retreat (I'm gonna bring a hankie because I know there will be tears this time).

On a side note: if you're interested in yoga for stress reduction and meditation, I really recommend Hatha yoga. It's the type that we do (there are MANY types of yoga out there). Here is a diagram of the poses and the Sanskrit terms for each.

Hatha represents opposing energies: hot and cold (fire and water, following similar concept as yin-yang), male and female, positive and negative. Hatha yoga attempts to balance mind and body via physical postures or "asanas", purification practices, controlled breathing, and the calming of the mind through relaxation and meditation. Asanas teach poise, balance and strength and are practiced to improve the body's physical health and clear the mind in preparation for meditation.

Some people find this type of yoga too slow, but I like it. I like building my mind and body as one. Also, Hatha allows and encourages us to let go of the what if's, the should've/could've, the supposed to be's, the right, the wrong, and the perfect. It encourages us to live in the moment and ride the thing that IS. Quoting Leonard Cohen (again), it encourages us to "Forget your perfect offering."

I have to constantly remind myself that this life will keep on going whether I take the right step or the wrong step. I can't dwell on decisions and choices of the past because they don't exist anymore and I can't worry about the future because it has yet to exist.

All we have is now and all we can hope for is tomorrow.

No, Mr. Eliot, April is not the cruelest month

2011-05-09T15:06:00.000-07:00

T.S. Eliot's 1922 poem "The Waste Land" begins as such:

"APRIL is the cruellest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring
Dull roots with spring rain."

On the contrary, in my world, May has become the cruelest month. So many days that used to be happy and hopeful in one single month are now marked with painful memories; tugging at the heart and leaving tear-stained pillows at night.

The dreams still come, but the nightmares follow accordingly. Or vice-versa. It's hard to have one without the other anymore.

It has almost been a year now and everyday brings with it a haunting recollection of the same day, exactly one year ago.

"This is the same day last year that I first ..."

"This day last year was the last time that I..."

So much pain and helplessness in those days. So many days in this month that bring tears and sadness. So many months in a year -- can't we just do away with May?

With tear-streaked cheeks and heavy heart, god, how I wish you were here.

I still keep hoping that I'll wake up and it will all have just been a bad dream.

(Excerpt from "The Waste Land")

V. WHAT THE THUNDER SAID

"AFTER the torchlight red on sweaty faces
After the frosty silence in the gardens
After the agony in stony places
The shouting and the crying
Prison and place and reverberation
Of thunder of spring over distant mountains
He who was living is now dead
We who were living are now dying
With a little patience

Here is no water but only rock
Rock and no water and the sandy road
The road winding above among the mountains
Which are mountains of rock without water
If there were water we should stop and drink
Amongst the rock one cannot stop or think
Sweat is dry and feet are in the sand
If there were only water amongst the rock
Dead mountain mouth of carious teeth that cannot spit
Here one can neither stand nor lie nor sit
There is not even silence in the mountains
But dry sterile thunder without rain
There is not even solitude in the mountains
But red sullen faces sneer and snarl
From doors of mudcracked houses

If there were water
And no rock
If there were rock
And also water
And water
A spring
A pool among the rock
If there were the sound of water only
Not the cicada
And dry grass singing
But sound of water over a rock
Where the hermit-thrush sings in the pine trees
Drip drop drip drop drop drop drop
But there is no water

Who is the third who walks always beside you?
When I count, there are only you and I together
But when I look ahead up the white road
There is always another one walking beside you
Gliding wrapt in a brown mantle, hooded
I do not know whether a man or a woman
—But who is that on the other side of you?"

The Perfect Purple

2011-05-05T12:58:00.000-07:00

When the sun finally stayed out the other day, I was standing at the window and basking in the sun on my face. I was noticing the energy that I felt. I could feel my cells expanding and pulsing and vibrating. At that moment I totally understood why we can't live without sunlight. It felt fabulous!

I'm not the only one thriving from a little sunlight. Check out this completely perfect purple tulip growing in our front yard.

I have tried to create a purple that this beautiful and multi-faceted in many of my paintings, but nothing has come as close as this flower.

I love love love how the purple changes with the sun - like oil paint does.

And how the black-purple contrasts with the lighter pastel tulips. So sweet.

I just can't compete with nature. But then, why would I want to?

April Showers Bring May Flowers!

2011-05-01T19:33:00.000-07:00

Today was an amazingly beautiful day here. It was sunny with no clouds or rain ALL day and it actually hit 70 degrees!

We played tennis. Jason recieved his first ass-whoopin of the season but he came out of the gate like a grizzly coming out of hybernation! I can't wait to play more!

We did lots of yard work. Jason mowed and now the flower's look huge!

But it always does look bigger when you trim back the bush, right? ;-)

Doorbell, er Derville

2011-04-29T14:22:00.000-07:00

Clancy and Derville have become such great buddies. I truly believe they communicate with each other in a special way.

One of the cutest examples of this is how Derville is like a doorbell for Clancy. Since we've gotten Derville, we've had to keep the doggie door closed except when we are letting Clancy in and out. This was a little saddening for the Pooh in the beginning, but Derville picked up the slack right away.

Check out the conversation:

Clancy: Yeah, so I'm still out here and kinda want to come back in. Do you see her anywhere? I wanna lay on her pillows. Can you get her to hurry up, please?

Derville: (In a Joe Pesci voice) No problem, Boss. I hear ya, Boss. Lemme track down the old lady and bust her balls a little and see if we can get some freaking service here! Hang on, Boss.

Derville: (Now in a whiny little kid voice) Heyyyyy. Heyyyyyyy. Meooooooow. MEOWWWWWWW. Meowm, Heyyyy Moewm, Ma, MEOOOOWMMMMMM!!! Translation: Hey, lady! The big guy wants in. He's ready to come in now, why don't you hurry up and let him in!?! Hey LADY!!! Let the big guy in!!!

Clancy: Thanks, kid. Don't be too ruff on her, though...remember she's the one that feeds you at 5am. Don't wanna mess up that sweet deal, do ya? Thanks again, Doorbell.

It's so funny how Derville voice changes. Not just his voice that I hear in my head but his real voice. He always announces when he comes in to a room with a little "meep." In the morning, at 5 am, his voice sounds like a little kid that pissed his bed and is scared to tell his mom. He comes up to my head and says "mmoooeeemmm" and I swear it sounds like he is saying mom in a timid scared voice. Freaked me out the first few times because I really expected to open my eyes to see a ghost child! And finally, he chatters at anything else that is moving. He gives the birds and the squirrels and the flies the business, for sure. He sounds very tribal using the clicks and clucks to communicate.

Funny cat, that Doorbell, er Derville of ours. We sure do love him and the Pooh!

Our Local Craft Warehouse is Closing!

2011-04-28T15:10:00.000-07:00

This morning, I stopped at our local Craft Warehouse because (unfortunately) it is closing and (fortunately) the deals are getting good. Today I scoured the aisles and found a few must-have treasures.

This beautiful little drawing box:

It's a Sumi Drawing and Painting Set.

What is Sumi? It is Japanese black ink: solid black ink used in sticks for Japanese painting and writing.

I have no idea how to do this but I love to learn new art techniques and I just had to have it. It was the last one and this set really is lovely. Plus I'm a sucker for anything with an Oriental style and this box is gorgeous.

I also got a small flower press which I'm sure I'll be posting about soon.

And no, Mom, I didn't forget about Jason. I got this for him:

Block of Italian clay

He's never said he wanted some clay but I have a feeling he's going to like getting his hands on this squishy block. It air-hardens and can be painted with anything.

I got the inside scoop that the store is handing in the keys around the first week of June so I'm going to head back down there every now and then until it closes to see what other treasures I can find.

Weird blooms

2011-04-27T11:00:00.000-07:00

Remember how I said that I cut the bloom from the rhubarb plant and put it in my window to grow?

Well, I gotta tell ya, this is one we-heird plant!

Weirdly phallic.

Weirdly bulbous and slightly hemorrhoidal looking.

There are so many things that come to mind when I look at this, but none of them are particularly pleasant. Well, I do think the pink and green colors of the cauliflower-looking stuff are pretty -- they look like Dippin' Dots!

Rhubarb Split, anyone? It's just doing this on it own...engorged with water I guess.

The WE-HEIRDEST thing about this clipping is that it smells like really strong rhubarb! Ok, not a big surprise since it is from a rhubarb plant, but the smell is so different than that of a regular flower, it's interesting none the less!!

Blooming or Bolting??

2011-04-25T17:49:00.000-07:00

Can you tell which plant in the garden is blooming and which plant is bolting?

Well, the other day I noticed our rhubarb plant was starting to flower, so I did a little research to find out if I should let it bloom or cut it back.

Here's what I found:

If plants flower when we want them to, we call it blooming. But if plants flowers when we don't want them to, we call it bolting.

Flowering is an undesirable trait when growing rhubarb; therefore, bolting describes the event. We don't want the plant to flower because then all of the energy will go to the bloom. We need all the energy to go the plant so we'll have big, beautiful rhubarb stalks in a few weeks.

So I cut the bloom at the bottom and put it in my kitchen window to flower! It's going to be a weird one, for sure!

So if the rhubarb is bolting, then the rosemary is blooming.

I'm really proud that the teeny tiny rosemary sprig we planted 2 years ago is getting huge and blooming like crazy! I started noticing the blooming rosemary around here a couple of years ago. They have the most beautiful powder blue/purple flowers and I had never seen that before -- or maybe just never noticed.

Now I feel like a real Oregonian with our giant blooming rosemary plant!

Earth Day 2011

2011-04-22T09:24:00.000-07:00

Happy Earth Day!

Since it is Earth Day here on Earth and I'm feeling very Earthy today, I thought it would be the perfect time to share pictures from our day trip to the Wooden Shoe Tulip Farm -- 26th Annual Tulip Festival -- Woodburn, OR last weekend.

<<-begin-rant--There were SO many people out there! It was really hard to keep those fuckers outta my pictures as I was taking them. I don't do any post-editing to my photos because I really try to capture the image I want on the spot. So when some fat ass walks right into my shot, I get a little disappointed. You can only title so many shots "Beauty ruined by an oblivious fat ass" and I already have my share of those.--end-rant->>

Other than there being tons of people there it was an amazing experience. I would like to go during the week instead of on the weekend. It would be nice to actually stop and smell the flowers without someone running over me.

We did get some awesome pictures, though. How can you not with acres and acres of tulips in all directions!?!

Made me really wish I had a serious camera instead of my little point and shoot. It takes excellent pictures but sometimes I want it to do things that it doesn't want to do. I know, I know read the manual...well I have and you have to go through 50 screens to adjust the zoom or focus manually. That's not fun to me. I might as well just take crap photos and edit them beyond recognition later on the computer, but that's not my style.

Nature provides so many beautiful things that I could never imagine on my own, I don't understand why anyone would want to "edit" that natural beauty. Probably the same reason I don't understand why women cake on the makeup when they have natural beauty. And perfume -- don't get me started on perfume! Why people CHOOSE to smell like petrochemicals and toilet cleaner is completely beyond me. Give me a little amber body scent and I'm a happy girl.

In celebration of Earth day, I challenge you to tap into your natural beauty today and give the editing tools a break. You are beautiful. We are all beautiful. Let's live it, breathe it, and believe it!

Always and Forever

2011-04-20T09:25:00.000-07:00

Today is our 5th wedding anniversary!

It's crazy how "5 years" doesn't seem to be an accurate time count at all. I feel like we've been moving through this "thing" together for thousands of years. Thousands of lives and lifetimes. Infinite versions, with infinite beginnings and infinite endings.

I can't wait to experience every single one of them together with my hubby! I'm so thankful that we continue to find each other.

In honor of this special occasion, I asked our good friend, the ultimate mustache man Jim Croce, to sing our song for us today.

So here it is.

"A long time ago" by Jim Croce.

I love you!

Seems like such a long time ago,

I was walking on a lonely road.

Getting tired of dreaming alone,

like all the lonely people I had known.

Seems like such a long time ago,

there was no one who would share my song.

I was just a boy far from home,

but I became a man when you came along.

We spent the whole night talking.

You said you'd like to see the sun rise.

But in the gold of morning,

was nothing that I had not seen in your eyes.

I was so afraid to touch you,

thought you were too young, you know.

So I just watched you sleeping.

Then you woke and said to me,

The night is cold, it frightens me.

I could sleep so easy next to you.

Wasn't very long ago,

you said that you would like to share my road.

Then you started singing my song.

Spent so many nights a-waiting,

Lets not spend a moments wasting time,

because we have very far to go.

I will go if you will take me,

I have never had a lover.

I am young but I am so alone.

We spent the whole night talking.

But in the gold of morning....

(Sidenote: I've been reading extremely too much existential shit lately and so I am completely switching gears with a recommendation from Jason to read "The Adding Machine" by William Burroughs. Will update on that later.)